Often at times, what a roommate happens to be such a
phrase easy to make among friends and I keep wondering why this complain and who
actually this roommate is. I came to find out that that roommate is you, him
her and/or me. I then thought that if I ever desired to have a great roommate,
I simply have to work hard to first be a good roommate. Happily enough, I
experienced just exactly that, living completely free of quarrel with my
roommate for two years and it is my candid opinion that if we all work hard to
be good roommates to our roommates then our residences will experience a scarce
supply of bad roommate, a situation I consider healthy for the “economy of our emotions”.
The
role of hard work towards the success of a relationship led experts in
counselling to describe relationship as a
garden which without hard work loses its beauty. Every relationship
involves sacrifice; the art of giving without expecting anything in return. It
is said by experts that relationships are
like bank accounts; with more withdrawals than deposits, you run into
difficulties. Living together entails giving in the best you would expect
one to give to you. If this is done, who then will be complaining of not having
the best? It is pertinent to note that the principles of happy cohabitation as
enshrined in this article are basically the principles of healthy relationships
and thus will prove helpful when applied beyond the walls of the room.
However,
this article serves to promote healthy cohabitation among students given that
unhealthy living together has led to various levels of hurt which has hampered
at one point or the other productive moments of academic life, lead to long
term hatred and even in some cases, death of a mate. The negative implications of
these to the society cannot be overemphasized. This article presents to the
reader, healthy cohabitation as a tool to society growth. This article is
prescribed for individual perusal and practice by each roommate. The values
recommended are for each individual to imbibe not exclusively for any
particular member of the room.
A
speaker on relationship and courtship posited that for two people to be in a
relationship, they must share something in common. This I consider a very
fundamental concept in relationships. Therefore, what exists between two or
more people living in a room (roommates) can be described as a relationship in
this light because they share in common same place of habitation. As earlier pointed,
hard work is crucial to success in life within the walls of the room and can be
seen in the light of the dos prescribed forthwith for enforcement by this
article.
As
a starter, chose a roommate you love and can cope with and in return love and
cope with the roommate you have. This is the first commandment that it may be
well with you. There is certainly no big deal in first being the nice one at
any point; it doesn’t kill even if it’s used against you, never mind; you are
happy you did no wrong. Yeah, that’s the cost of true love; you are only a
living martyr. When you are at fault or even unsure, kindly admit your fault in
the circumstance and say “I am sorry”. It doesn’t cost a thing but it sure
heals a lot, yes it does even settle a lot of imminent mishap among friends.
Always make the other fellow know he or she is respected, valued, cared for and
loved by you in actions, words, etc. The measure of respect, love and care is
in the feeling of same enjoyed by the recipient. The habitual use of kind words
and smiles to each other is a small but highly efficacious ingredient to a
healthy lifestyle in the room. Plays and jokes are essential but know the
critical limits and employ respect for one another’s person while you play.
Avoid involving the other’s parents or relatives in expensive jokes or “yabs”
and be mindful when you make jokes about each other’s disability, e.g. “please take off your coke bottles”
(referring to one’s eye glasses) may be better tolerated than “your armpit smells” especially when said
in public. Public criticism must be
avoided as much as possible and must not be mistaken with advice. For instance,
the last highlighted joke could be converted to a one-on-one quiet advice
between roommates in the absence of an outsider.
Having
a roommate is surely an opportunity to positively influence someone. It is
important to bear in mind that inexhaustible patience, tolerance, forgiveness and
maturity are some of the key virtues you have to imbibe to make any
relationship in the room work as no two persons, not even twins are the same;
we all have our differences. Do not wait for a SORRY before you forgive as you
may never get one and never be weary to forgive; just forgive once more but do
not hesitate to learn the lessons from every experience so you do not repeat
mistakes. A typical example ensued between two roommates Grace and Stella who
had lived for over 3years out of their 4 years of study. The former borrowed
some money to buy a pair of shoes and later found it hard to pay rather in
addition showered her creditor with arrogance when persistently asked to pay.
This bitter experience led to their parting ways as roommates. Few months
later, Grace was involved in an accident and was rushed to the hospital where
Stella was undergoing industrial work experience (IT). She was in need of blood
and some money for her treatment in order to save her life and coincidentally
here was Stella in the position to save her arrogant debtor’s life. Yes she did
donate some blood and later understood that Grace was in need of money for
treatment. She bought the drugs she could at the instance and helped Grace
reach out to her parents for further assistance. Of course Grace’s parents
appreciated Stella for the show of love and when Grace in tears, recounted her
past experience with Stella, the Good Samaritan was well rewarded by the
grateful and stunned parents of Grace. In this, she did not withhold help in
the event of a life and death situation due to the past experience, did not
lend cash to Grace and would never do so in a non-life threatening situation. Although
we must tolerate, but note that hurts become toxic when kept within for long;
let it out carefully and be free. Allow a free flow of communication of needs;
likes and dislikes between one another. Do not expect the other to guess or
assume he or she knows it. In my case, we were able to identify each other’s
needs and to assist each other in achieving our goals. That way, we always
featured in each other’s success story which will be told even in many years to
come. Spend time and do things together with your roommates as often as
possible; it keeps ablaze the flame of unity and togetherness. I would always
make out time to play scrabble, mix music or watch matches with my roommates
whenever I had the time despite my usual busy schedule. There we will chat
and
often discuss some issues too. Being an
effective listener such that your roommate feels he or she has been heard
before you respond will always make him/her feel her opinion is valued. Lack of
the knowledge of your roommate’s birthday is what I consider a crime as that
special day is one which provides a great opportunity to show that you
appreciate him or her. Almost everyone loves good surprises. It doesn’t
necessarily have to be a big gift; even a big inscription of birthday wishes on
the door post for him/her will be greatly appreciated when he or she knows you
do not have the means to present a bigger gift. If you share the same faith,
pray together but if not, remind each other of their devotion hours and often
at times, show some interest in their faith by honouring your roommate’s
invitation. Do not be too persuasive in trying to convert a roommate to accept
your values or faith so you don’t raise ill feelings of superiority of any
faith or convictions over the other. You cannot afford to give up on my
roommate and even when you had course to argue and disagree, resolve them with
respect minding the words you use on each other as words when let out cannot be
retrieved. Have no reason to judge each other but support each other especially
in the things you do not know. Humility and loyalty to your roommates will make
you endeared to them. I and my roommate were so humble to each other and rated
each other higher despite not being age mates. We would always call ourselves, Boss!
Finally,
it takes more than the aforementioned to make life in the room worth the while
but such as described above are sufficient to drastically reduce the menace of what a roommate complains and promote
healthy relationships among friends especially roommates. These values are
prescribed for individual practice; it takes being a good roommate to have the
best roommate.
